Thursday, February 09, 2006

Engrish crass

The problem with my life is I have a lot of arguments. Most of them were so meaningless that I’ve over written them with more important things, like the lyrics to American Pie, or obscure videogame trivia. The big ones, the life defining ones that take place between me and family and girlfriends, aren’t amusing enough for me to recount. My maxim is that if the story isn’t good enough to tell in your friends in a bar, then it’s not really important enough to write down. I’m sure physicists and noble laureates would argue with me, but if they did id have to write this paper about that.
The last argument I had, or at least the one I can remember that wasn’t something involving a massively multiplayer online game happened only a few days ago. I decided to leave out the game arguments because most of them degenerate into the person that I’m arguing with me and I slinging insults like “D00d, j00 r n00b” and “No, YOUR mom.”; arguments like that are the kind that differentiate the gamer sub class from mainstream humanity. The last argument I had was in my American Government class. The teacher was trying to make a point about how American was better the most places in the world. I don’t think I’ll ever know why he brought up Roe v. Wade, but I’m glad he did, because it was becoming a thoroughly boring class, and I would have more then likely lost interest in the class all together if he hadn’t. The point he was trying to make was that in American, laws fit the will of the people and can be changed if need be. Unfortunately, this girl had a bee in her bonnet about abortion, how women are discriminated against in all countries and how that Row v. Wade made it possible for women to take control of their bodies. She continued her impassioned speech about how women everywhere should throw off the yoke of the phallocracy when I started just tuning her out. I tend to do that when it come to misinformed zealots. At heart, I really don’t care about Roe v. Wade, I’m a guy who sticks with the Kevin Smith school of thought: “A woman’s body is her own f&#@ing business”, but when she started talking about how courageous Jane Roe is and how she’s still fighting for women’s rights today, I got a little annoyed. Everything she was saying was fake, a figment of some twisted souls imagination who had indoctrinated this ideology into this haplessly ignorant person. I could have been nice about the situation, let it go on or spoken privately to the woman outside of class, but she had screwed up my one chance for a nap that day, so I was itching to carve out my pound of flesh from her ignorant hide.
I decided to send a warning shot across her bow first, there was no need to shoot her in the back, it would spoil the fun of seeing the look on her face
“Do you even know what you’re talking about?”
About two thirds of the eyes in the class turn toward me, the others keep their bored look of detached resignation that most people get in History classes. Her eyes are boring into me. I can almost read her thoughts, each one an angry exclamation inside of her head trying to burst out and cut me down for the Y in my chromosome manifest.
“Of course I do,” she sends back at me, working in all the venom she can muster.
“Then you know Jane Roe isn’t her real name.”
I can see that my first volley has stunned and confused her. At this point I have two options. A) I can draw this out for about an hour, give her enough rope to make herself a noose and near the end of the class and pull on it till the line stops jerking, or B) I explain everything to her, and we can get the class moving again.
“Listen,” I say, knowing that if I don’t have some sort of explanation that every woman in there was going to beat me like a piñata at a five year olds birthday party, “I personally don’t care about abortion, being a guy it really doesn’t concern me as much as it does women, but there is no woman named Jane Roe. That name is equivalent of Jane Doe for court cases. The real girls name Norma McCorvey. She pulled a Kerry a few years back and is on the pro-lifers side now after she got born again.”
I could tell that id burned her with that remark, but I hoped that by being burned once she would think about her actions and not be burned again. I also knew I was rationalizing so I wouldn’t feel so bad about being mean to a person who obviously didn’t know any better, but at that point I decided that I was thinking to much and decided to take a well deserved nap.