Everlong is a shitty class song

The following was an e-mail to a girl I once liked. It didn't work out, but i really liked this one.

Enjoy!!

Man I’m bored. I have nothing to do. You know what that means… its time for NAKED BANJO! Nah nininini nah nininini nah nah…or not (but more then likely). I really have nothing to do. As I’m writing these words, I’m sitting in my living room, sipping on the last dregs of a warm glass of generic coke. My moms down here too, but she’s mostly asleep. I feel really bad for her because she’s got a bit of a cold. So where should I begin? I doubt that you’re gonna get this before tomorrow (I doubt that I’ll even send it before twelve tonight) but what the hell’ you know. You ever notice that if you try to force spontaneity it doesn’t come out very well, but right afterward it comes out great and you get all pissed off because it never freaking works when its supposed to and then you try to explain it but all that comes out is weird disjointed comments that make you look crazy?! Yeah, me neither. I have a DVD of the clerks animated show (questions? go to google my busty lass) and the director commentary is the funniest thing you’ll hear all week. The week after, you’ll hear me try to be swave around you which beats the commentary hands down. I need to work on your libido; you’re always so much more fun when you’re hornier then Paris Hilton watching digimon porn. Which is only slightly less horny then I am right now, as measured in number of sexual fantasies per hour ( though I had to move the scale down to per second ever since you mentioned that near transparent t-shirt of yours). Thankfully, I switched to a lotion with lanolin; the stuff with the aloe didn’t prevent chafing very well. I always wanted a anime where on one episode a Shinto priest and one of those old time protestant priest, the kind with that really funky hat, just start wailing on each other. With magic or something. It would be cool. My moms watching Revelations (the mini series) on bravo. I think she wanted to see those gay guys turn someone else gay and got sucked into the story. Same thing happens to me when ever Shawshank Redemption comes on. That’s why I tend to avoid tbs, abc, tnt, and just for good measure usa and wgn on the weekends and any holiday. This was supposed to have a point but I forgot it. Anyway, send me the particulars on graduation so I can go. If you don’t get it to me before Wednesday then everyone is SOL. Which stands for shit out of fucking luck you poor virgin bastard, so I would like to get the info. I don’t know if I ever told you this but you are the only one I want, and I’m pretty sure you’re the only one I will ever want. Which is just fine and dandy for you, but it tends to be a real downer for me when I can’t even talk to you. The way you move, the way you act, the way you sound and smell are indelible marks painted on memory. I could go into the soul remarks, and put something in about blood or cutting, but that would just be to John Whitehead with a little bit of Amber and Carey for me to deal with. If you want me to do some faux beatnik I will, but only if you lose the top. Damn, this has gone on for too long. If you get this, go ahead and call so I can at least tell you good night. It doesn’t matter how late, more then likely I’ll be up. I don’t sleep well lately. More then likely its you, but it could just be the ginormous amounts of caffeine I tend to imbibe. Drink. Any way, Kitten, Im gonna end this with a few quotes I think might help you understand how I feel at this exact moment:

I’m a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule. – Randal

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know. -Garry Shandling (though not the I don’t know part)

Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it. –Anonymous

Careful. We don't want to learn from this. - Bill Watterson, "Calvin and Hobbes"

Do you want, like I want you? – Jewel

I get giddy when I think about you...how very...inconvenient. – Author known, but name with held
because its very, very funny that way.

Yes, so true. Well I’m off. Night.

No big if you can’t call though, is cool.

With undying love, even when I shoot it in the head, 

*(Deviant #19)

PS: I get giddy too.