Crazy Hobo Army of Doom

Gibberish! Yeeehaaa! Man this is great! You know, I waited a long time for this, the day when I could just cut those subconscious gremlins loose and say “I’m going out for a beer, guys. Try not to set anything on fire this time.” And I’m freaken stoked! Today’s been like the end of a Stanley Kubrick flick. Of course, after a few too many sugerfree Red Bull’s, you convince me that you didn’t have a 2001 moment when you were riding the bus home. I was freaking out. I thought Hal was talking to me from out of back of the seat “I’m sorry Dave, I can’t let you… hey you aren’t Dave! Where is hell is he?” People had to restrain me, kept saying that I would stop say “Wendy’s! For the love of God, you Basterd! Wendy’s!” By the way, go to thegreatd.blogdrive.com to read a hilarious event that happened and a Wendy’s. Jeeze, talking ‘bout Wendy’s makes me kind of hungry. Hungry for Chinese food. Speaking of Chinese food, here are five weird fortune cookie fortunes

1. You just spent 10 bucks on a meal that costs $1.25 to make, and you think a stupid cookie is gonna help you? Dream on, buttpirate, Dream the fuck on.
2. AHHHHH! Look out behind you!
3. You will open a fortune cookie in your future. Ha HA! I was right!
4. Pssshh, buddy, come closer. Look, didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but that wasn’t cream in that soup, if you catch my drift.
5. You ever wonder why you never see any stray cats or dogs around here? How’s your “beef” stew?

Like a kid with ADD on speed isn’t it? Well, my anonymous hordes of listeners waiting to join my Crazy Hobo Army of Doom, I must be off. My buzz is wearing off, my hands ache with the pain of a thousand and one pill bug bites. One thing before I go, I know the holiday seasons are coming up, and I know that many of you might get depressed during the most wonderful time of the year. I have a way to combat this. Anytime you get those “This room would look wonderful in brain matter gray” blues, go up to a fat person (any fat person, though hopefully, a stranger) grab their huge stomachs, and start shakin’; all the while, screaming something like “This be giggling like a bowl full o’ jelly!” and laughing like a loon. Try it, you’ll feel great afterward. Really, would I lie?